I am happy and relieved to report that after nearly two months banished to the Siberia of the PayPal universe, I have been granted a pardon.
Friday night began exactly like the 13 nights before it. I was tucked in under the down comforter listening to the wet iron lung noises coming from my chest and petting Mendoza, who was issuing his own contented rumblings. The TV was on but I was only pretending to watch another in the endless parade of second-rate movies chosen more for their eligibility in the 5-for-the-price-of-4 offer than any perceived merit. The title of this particular gem in question escapes me, but I was in the throes of the horrified realization that I’d actually seen it before when the phone rang.
I won’t pretend to know what PayPal’s hiring practices are, but with every call I become increasingly convinced that having a smoulderingly sexy phone voice is a key criterion. The ear candy and I chatted for a good 25 minutes that concluded with his assessment that “after speaking with you, I don’t think it will be necessary to have you fill out an affadavit”. Such a sweet talker! Further, he promised to release my funds and restore my account with the caveat that should I want to collect money for a charity I would fill out the required paperwork. He invited me to reinstall the PayPal button on my blog but to be sure I included a note that any donations were for personal use.
So there you have it: a happy ending to a rather ugly chapter in my adventures in do-goodery.
To those of you who have found this site or posting because you were searching “PayPal closed my account”, the only advice I can give is to perservere, politely. PayPal’s investigations protocols are set up so that you are never assigned a single case officer and emails are sent from addresses that do not accept replies. Continuity is interrupted, so it is up to you to stay on top of your own case. Ask how you can bring your account into compliance, and if you don’t get a straight answer, ask again. Follow up. Keep records. Be respectful. And maybe, just maybe, one night you’ll get the call.